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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23917414">small hands</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa'>emilia_kaisa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>5 years [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Figure Skating RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Misery, Not Beta Read, POV Alternating, Post-Break Up, Sad, Songfic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:21:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23917414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>And I,<br/>I hope for your life<br/>You can forget about mine<br/>Just forget about mine</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>5 years [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>small hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I made a fatal decision to listen to my Keaton Henson playlist and I have sad after midnight feels and no justification. <br/>There is only sadness, you've been warned!</p>
<p>'Small hands' by Keaton Henson.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Miss you terribly already,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Miss the space between your eyelids,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where I'd stare through awkward sentences</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And avoid through awkward silence</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes I feel like I’ve always been destined to live like that, always missing something. Home, my family, peaceful sleep at nights, dreams that used to come so easy when I was  younger.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’ve spent my life on feeling like I wasn’t whole, not exactly, pieces of my heart and soul torn apart and scattered around the world, and then, then you came and filled the void inside of me with warmth I always craved. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You made me feel so warm. Like it mattered, your hand in mine and your arms around me, even if it was only for a moment, a moment that seemed to stretch into infinity.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Where are you now?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I feel like I’m going to freeze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Miss your small hands in the palm of mine</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The fact they're good at making,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Miss your sitting up incessantly,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And the fact you're always waking in the night, night.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I hate you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I hate you for not being here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I hate you for not stealing my blankets anymore and I hate you for all the warmth you gave me and that it’s now gone and I love you, I love you, I love you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>(i miss you)</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>(I want to forget you</span>
</p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>come back to me)</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Please forget me, you were right dear,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I am cold and self-involved,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And though I'll miss you, recent lover</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I am weak and therefore fold</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I hoped I could do it. Put you first, one day, but that would mean putting myself first, and I can’t do it, not yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now, you’re not here, and all I can do is trying not to think about sleepless night and your hands and lips and eyes and wishing that it was different, that I was different. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But I’m not, and I don’t think I can change.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even for you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Get distracted by my music,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Think of nothing else but art</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I'll write my loneliness in poems,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If I can just think how to start</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I will never tell you. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Words always fail me, their sharp edges cutting my lips and making me choke and lose my breath, and hurt so much, hurt both of us, no matter how much I try.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They say that the best art comes from a broken heart and if they’re right, then let me carve it into the ice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>(i’m sorry</span>
</p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p>
  <span>don’t wait for me)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And I,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I hope for your life</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You can forget about mine</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just forget about mine</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading ;;A;;</p></blockquote></div></div>
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